The Death of a Dream

It’s actually quite a bizarre realisation to have, to know that you’re not going to even apply for your dream job.

– me.

One of the things I used to like to do was browse jobs within the games industry. I’d check out game developer websites, read through the job listings, and see what I was qualified to do – either through experience or through education/certification. Let me rewind and provide some context, for those unable to divine it from the mere fact I’m writing about this.

I grew up with games at a time when not everyone did, and when I was around 15, there two things I wanted to be when I grew up. One of those, and the more recent one, was a writer for PC PowerPlay. The magazine had just started at that point. I loved every word and thought writing about games would be pretty much the second best thing I could imagine doing. The other, older, almost more basal desire, was to make games. I wanted to help create the things I loved more than anything else.

Throughout the years I’ve never let it go. This desire to make games has been there, subconsciously, consciously, and I regularly see what’s on the job market in case I can finally do it; and today I realised I probably never will. The moment came while browsing the careers section of Blizzard’s site, reading the job description and knowing I’m not only qualified, but in all probability over-qualified for the role. It’s within my current career stream after all, and  all bragging aside, I’m quite good at what I do.

But I’m not even going to apply, because at some point, life happened to me. I have a mortgage. I’ve been in a single relationship for over a decade. I have room to move upwards in my company if I want to, and options outside of it if I want those instead.

Part of me still wants to apply, because it’s fucking BLIZZARD, and because it’d be interesting to know whether I actually would get the job (meeting a job description is hardly the end of the story). But I’m not in the habit of wasting people’s time. I’m so established here, with life going well enough, that to uproot and relocate to Irvine California feels more like effort than adventure. Especially considering I would in all likelihood need to take a pay cut to do it.

The realisation cemented itself here: if I’m not willing to make this life adjustment to realise a life-long dream for a company like Blizzard, who would I make it for? The answer right now is no-one. Obviously if Blizzard or Valve or whoever contacted me and said “Hey, you’re such a swell guy, we want to you work with us – here’s a million dollars.”  I’d be hard-pressed to refuse, but I’d also be hard-pressed to be awake.

So it seems my longest-held dream has died today, and the funny thing is, I’m not even that bothered.

Besides, I write for PC PowerPlay.

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~ by accurateobservation on February 5, 2013.

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